


within the fragile substance of my soul

by writtenndust



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-03
Updated: 2012-12-03
Packaged: 2017-11-20 05:00:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/581553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenndust/pseuds/writtenndust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief post-episode for 2x09. Spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	within the fragile substance of my soul

Her heels echoed loudly on the hard-wood floors as she stepped over the threshold. She’d lived in three places over the course of her life – her parent’s estate, her husband’s castle and that house. For the world in which she’d dragged all the people she’d wished to punish, that house could be considered a worthy substitute to the castle of which she’d become accustomed; with its curved staircase, ample space and cavernous hallways. 

None of them had felt like home, though, until Henry’s infant laughter had filled the house to its very brim, touching each and every room with warmth and light. She hadn’t found any semblance of peace, until she’d seen him take his first steps from the ornate mahogany coffee table to the edge of her antique chaise. A culmination of moments that had made that house her first true home.

The hole in her heart had, for a time, been filled with a joy she’d found herself terrified to name. 

Standing in the foyer, Regina looked up at the glistening chandelier, twinkling with nothing but moonlight from the upstairs windows. She remembered lazy Sundays where they played board-games in the den; or bedtime stories where at the age of four he insisted she do all of the voices.

She looked down at her hands, barely able to make out the lines of her palms in the darkness; she could still feel the fabric of his coat on her fingertips. She could smell a mix of Henry’s regular soap and what could only be David’s three-dollar shampoo as she’d pressed her cheek to the top of his head. She could feel his heartbeat against her stomach and with a faint twitch of her lips; she pressed her palm there, where Henry had been not half an hour before.

If she closed her eyes tight enough and pressed her palms to her stomach, she could almost imagine he was still there with his arms wrapped around her waist and his cheek against her chest. 

But then she opened her eyes; she looked up at the scope of the house before her and she fought back another bought of tears. Henry wasn’t there. Her home was dark and barren, devoid of all light and sound and the hole in her heart ripped wider apart as took a few steps in and closed the door behind her.

She was met with absolute silence then. She hugged herself tightly, her palms rubbing against her arms to ward of a non-existent chill as she took the three steps up onto the landing and caught her eyes in the mirror there.

Blood-shot and shadowed, she looked as haggard as she felt and even the tears that were still trickling down her cheeks, had lost all incentive to go on.

She was tired.

She could still feel a faint crackle of the fairy-magic coursing through her, sparks coming to her fingertips every now and then to remind her of what she’d just done. She wouldn’t admit to another living soul that she could feel it growing inside her; that the power was taking hold and building on what was already there.

Her bones ached with the heat of it but nothing compared to the shackles that threatened to pull her heart to the floor. For that one brief moment she’d had her son back. As he’d wrapped his arms around her waist, she’d been reminded of all they used to be. His eyes had closed with his cheek to her chest as she’d run her fingers through his hair and she’d remembered cold nights when he’d crawled into her bed, whimpered that he’d had a terrible nightmare and she remembered smiling down at his sweet little face as he drifted back to sleep with the sound of her voice; singing a lullaby that had come straight from the heart of the Enchanted Forest.

She made her way slowly into the den, cherishing the blackness that saved her from the mirrors she’d once sought comfort from. They wouldn’t flatter her now.

She didn’t bother to remove her coat; far too frozen from the cold night air and twitching with the feel of foreign magic taking it’s hold in her blood, she curled herself up on her chaise. She tucked her legs up beside her, wrapping her arms around a cushion and buried her face in the downy fabric as her tears began anew.

She’d never in her life, felt so bereft. 

Regina wept into the cushion; loud, shaking sobs that had her heart aching in her chest to just stop – she almost begged it to give in, to just stop beating and save her from the pain. She knew the feeling so well she thought that perhaps the pain could be dulled somehow. But Henry’s face mingled with Daniel’s and she could almost feel the cracks in her heart splitting open, its contents bursting into her chest and breaking her in two.

“Mom?” A small voice shocked her for a moment and her breath caught in her throat. She hugged the cushion tighter, willing the taunting sound of Henry’s voice to disappear and leave her alone in her despair. She wished for it all too just go away and stop taunting her with what she had allowed to walk away.

She tried to tell herself that she’d done it for love. She wanted Henry to have what his heart desired, she wanted him to be happy and if that meant she had to let him go, then so be it.

“Mom, what’s wrong?”

Regina’s breath hitched. Slowly, she sat up; straightening her hair as her eyes set on the shadowed figure of Henry standing in the doorway; the light in the hall cast a glow around him but his front was shadowed by the darkness of the den. She sighed at the image, he lips twitching just slightly at the corners as she self-consciously wiped at her eyes.

Her make-up was likely to be smudged; thick black marks smeared across olive skin, paled by her anguish and the bright hall light. 

Henry took a few steps towards her and Regina flinched, shuffling back on the chaise as though the boy were a phantom come to smite her. “What are you doing here?” She almost whimpered and she could barely make out his features, but she could see that his brow was furrowed in confusion.

“Why are you crying?”

“It’s nothing.” She looked away, hugging her coat tighter as he moved closer to her.

“It’s Emma isn’t it? You think-” Henry stopped, taking a seat beside her; looking up at her so that the light from the hall could touch his face as well. And it was then that she saw his eyes, those deep brown orbs that she’d watched intently when he was a baby – studying everything in his path, watching her as though she were his entire world – she’d missed that look in his eye, she craved it and knew she wasn’t likely to ever see it again. “You think she’s going to take me away.”

Regina fidgeted in her seat, pulling her coat tighter as she wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s alright, Henry. If it’s what you want, I won’t stop you. I think I proved that this afternoon.”

Her eyes were cast down so she couldn’t see the small boy’s expression change. “Yeah, you did.” He nodded and Regina released a long breath. “But I’m not going anywhere, Mom.”

Regina’s eyes shot to him, twisting her neck so that she could look down at him with the smallest glimmer of hope that still lived in her heart. The hole was still there, torn open wide and aching with the pain of losing love all over again. But hope still remained and as Henry looked up at her, those wide eyes of his smiling as though she weren’t the Evil Queen he’d always feared her to be, she dared to give in to that small glimmer once again.

“W-what do you mean?”

“Home,” He breathed, wrapping his arms around her waist. “That’s what you said about my blanket, remember? That you brought it from home.”

Regina didn’t know how to react. For the second time in as many hours, Henry had hugged her of his own volition and her heart had soared to new heights with every second he remained in her arms. She wished she could keep him there forever; hold him close and never let go but she knew that was an impossibility. 

“Yeah, I did.” She smiled, hugging him back with as much strength as she could muster.

“Thank you,” He sighed against her chest. “Thank you for bringing them home.”

A small part of Regina’s heart stayed on the floor – she knew this wasn’t her happy ending because it was by no means perfect. Henry wasn’t back for good and she would still face the anguish of cold, silent nights in a house too big for one. He’d want to be with Emma and Regina couldn’t fight the pain in the pit of her stomach that he was never going to be her’s completely. But he was there, he didn’t hate her; he had his arms wrapped around her when the town had all walked away from her and she started to feel warm again.

The End.


End file.
